Yesterday had been planned for more than a week now. I know because I'm the one who obsessively writes things down and the details of it were on my calendars--yes, both of them because one can never have too many reminders. Two events were scheduled: the first, a visit to Matt's new office and the second, a birthday party for Matt's cousin.
We had both slept in that morning. But when we finally decided to roll out of bed, there was still plenty of time left in the day to do what we'd planned. Or so I thought. The first thing I chose to do was give myself a manicure. No polish, just a bit of tidying up the cuticles and nails. This decision took up the first half hour. While Matt picked up our morning coffees at the local cafe, I organized a simple breakfast at home. That made up for the next half hour. After we finished eating, I continued with my mini mani which included buffing, hand scrubbing, and moisturizing. That was another half hour.
Then I lost track of time.
Was it during the wrapping of the birthday presents? Or maybe it was when I was searching through my stationery collection for the right card? Perhaps it wasn't necessary to try on five completely different outfits? But my hair--it needed proper attention--was it that which took up time? I debated in my head whether to do my makeup now or in the car--which was more practical?
Meanwhile, my husband had quietly cleaned the kitchen and settled onto the couch to play a video game as he patiently waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, I was just about ready and thought I was ahead of schedule since I'd decided to finish my makeup in the car. But when I stepped out of the bathroom, I was shocked at the time--it was almost two o'clock. The birthday party was going to start in half an hour and it was going to take about that long to get there.
I felt awful. My husband had made only one request for the day, but I had just eaten into the time allotted for it. I tried to make amends by offering to leave immediately, but it was useless. There simply wasn't enough time and it's because I took it all. My vanity and selfishness took precedence. What's worse is that I kept half-heartedly expecting something from him that I know he never does. I expected him to speak out when it was time to go.
It wasn't until we were in the car almost at the Bridge when it finally dawned on me--was I becoming my mother? Growing up, this is how our family rolled: once Mom was ready, it was go time. Why? Because she was the one who had the most to do in the mornings, and she was the one who took the longest to get ready. Everyone knew that as soon as Mom was done, our butts had to be downstairs ready to leave or better yet, in the car waiting. So the moment I was ready to go, I thought my husband would be too, in the same ready-for-action manner. But he wasn't--he was still in the midst of playing his video game and when I announced that I was finally ready, he asked for another five or ten minutes to finish.
That was it--the moment when I frantically tried connecting all the jumbled up dots in my head only to discover I had some major gaps. Five or ten minutes? Why isn't he ready this instant? Who cares? Why did his request bother me so much? Why was I the one frustrated and not him? Or was he upset deep down? What was I missing?
You know what they say "girls tend to marry men like their fathers." Well, it took us three years of marriage and one long Saturday morning to realize just how true this was of me. Thankfully, my husband is my husband and not entirely like my father. Rather than avoiding the questions I had, he was willing to enlighten me on his reasons behind choosing silence rather than speaking out. And as he began to explain, it was as if he was unravelling years of knotted up frustration and tangled questions in my mind about my father's quiet-mannered behaviour and passivity. Things I never understood as a young daughter I was finally beginning to grasp as an adult wife. With every word, he continued to unveil details of the male mind and heart that I was so unaware of. The more he spoke, the more grateful I was for receiving such a priceless gift.
As I sat there in the comfort of my passenger seat, the reality of our differences not only as male and female but as individual people began to dawn on me. Of course our worlds would eventually clash, for we had come from completely opposite directions. But there is beauty in differences and sometimes, extreme opposites make it easier to find a middle ground. Compromise is key when it comes to marriage and yesterday's events revealed to us that no matter how long we've been doing things one way, it's never too late to change.
